


That Incorrigible Mr. Stark

by redlipstickblackdress



Series: Norah's Plants [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Botany, Established Relationship, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Kissing Games, Light Bondage, Maid Fantasy, Mild Sexual Content, Motorcycle Sex, Platonic Kissing, Romance, Sequel, Sex in a Car, Surprise Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 17:25:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 12,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1034355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipstickblackdress/pseuds/redlipstickblackdress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Coulson's botanist girlfriend gets settled into her new job at S.H.I.E.L.D., she develops a new plant breed that keeps people focused.  Tony Stark accidentally turns it into an aphrodisiac that causes people to start kissing the wrong people at inappropriate times.  Meanwhile Clint and his girlfriend have moved in together and enjoy their lives while he plans to take their relationship to the next level.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home Sweet Home

Clint unlocked the door to his apartment and was immediately greeted by his Jack Russell terrier, Rufus, who was wagging his tail and jumping up and down happily. 

“Hey, buddy!” Clint said, tossing his keys aside and bending down to scratch Rufus behind his ear. “It smells like mommy’s making my favorite,” he said to the dog as he inhaled the delicious smell of enchiladas cooking. Rufus followed his dad as the latter went to the kitchen, finding his girlfriend Mandy pulling the tortilla-wrapped, cheese-smothered deliciousness out of the oven. As soon as she had put the dish on the table, he wrapped his arm around her waist from behind and pulled her curly red hair aside to give her a loving kiss on the side of her neck. “That smells amazing, sweetheart. The food doesn’t smell half bad either.” 

“I know it’s your favorite,” she said, laughing at his silliness, “and that you like enchiladas too.” 

“What’s the occasion?” he asked. 

“You coming home safely from a mission, of course,” she said, taking in the bruise on his cheekbone. 

“It wasn’t a dangerous one; I just had to stand guard at The White House overnight.” 

“They’re all dangerous,” she pointed out. 

“How was work?” he asked as they sat down and dished out the enchiladas. 

“Great! I came up with a new antibiotic from Norah’s healing plant today, and she’s working on a new breed that can really increase people’s productivity at work.” 

“That’s great. I’m so glad you two like working at S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

The two ate while Clint rather animatedly told her about his mission and how he’d captured someone who was trying to assassinate the president. He claimed it wasn’t that big of a danger, but Mandy was always worried about him when he was away on missions. However, he was back home safely with only a few bruises and scratches. When dinner was finished, he helped her rinse the plates and then scooped her up to carry her to the bedroom, intending on showing her how much he’d missed her as he shut the door before Rufus could follow them inside.


	2. A New Plant

Later that evening, Norah Kensington pulled off her latex gloves and looked at her newest plant breed for a moment, her eyes wide with awe. After a pause, she started laughing, her fingers pulling at her shoulder-length brown hair and fluffing it up into a big cloud. 

“I think I’ve got it,” she said to herself excitedly. “I need to test it. Tea. I need to make tea.” She turned on a bunsen burner, then grabbed the mug she’d been using for coffee earlier and went to the sink to fill it with water. She put the mug on the ring stand above the burner and pulled a few leaves off the plant. After crushing them with a mortar and pestle, she poured the leaves into the now boiling water and then took the mug off to wait for it to cool. 

As soon as the leaves had been steeped and the water was cool enough to handle, Lacey lifted the mug to her face. 

“Here goes nothing. Bottoms up,” she said, taking a sip of the tea. She drank a good amount of the tea and her scatterbrain seemed to focus – she had to look at all her plants and make a chart. She grabbed a piece of graph paper and deliberately sketched a few neat lines, then went to the counter to observe all her plants under their artificial sunlight lamp. She began efficiently plotting data points on her chart, drawing lines to connect them. The door to her lab opened up and Tony Stark entered. 

“How’s it going, Flower Power?” 

“Not now, I’m working!” Norah answered, turning to him with eyes wide and her hair a complete rat’s nest. Tony held up his hands in surrender. 

“Woah…that was terrifying. I think you need a break.” 

“I’m not done with my chart! It’s so pretty, see?!” she held it up. 

“OK, Daisy-Head Mayzie, come on. It’s 8:30 at night. You need to eat something.”

“I had some tea.” 

“By tea, do you mean crack? Hey, do you grow weed in here?” 

“GET OUT!” Norah said. 

“Leaving. Leaving now,” Tony said, genuinely frightened. “I’m going to go get Agent Stick-in-the-Mud, maybe he can get you to take the break you so obviously need.” 

Tony left and he returned a few minutes later with Coulson, Norah’s boyfriend. 

“Hello,” he said, wrapping one arm around her waist and kissing her on the cheek. “Norah, you work too hard.” Tony snorted at this, since Coulson was his personal definition of ‘working too hard.’ 

“Hi handsome,” Norah smiled. Tony made a noise of disgust. Norah leaned over to kiss him on the lips, grossing Tony out even more, then turned her head back to her chart. “Not now, I’m busy.” 

“Norah, you can’t work all night,” he pointed out. He turned her to him and held her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. Her focus changed from her chart to her boyfriend. 

“Maybe you’re right,” she said, sighing. 

“Come on. You need to eat something.” 

“Food. I guess that’s a good idea. Let’s go! I am ready to eat!” she said as her brain switched focus again. With the effect of the tea, she seemed to be able to keep her focus mostly on one thing at a time, but her brain was alert to changes in her surroundings. She scribbled down one last note about this and promised to try to get someone else to try her tea the following day. Coulson led her out of the lab, leaving Tony alone in the lab to investigate if she was indeed growing pot in there. 

After she had eaten some boxed macaroni and cheese, she slipped into bed with Coulson and he spooned her, and when she turned her focus to sleep, she was able to fall asleep soundly.


	3. Colton

Mandy woke up to the sound of Clint’s voice. Rolling over, she turned to see him pacing around in his boxer briefs, arguing on the phone with someone. Rufus lifted his head when she moved, snuggling closer to her on top of the covers as soon as she was still again.

“No…ok, she just woke up…ok, fine, I’ll put her on the phone. Jeez,” Clint said, the look on his face not particularly thrilled but his hair adorably mussed. “It’s Colton, he wants to talk to you,” he said, handing her the phone. 

“Hey,” Mandy said, still not ready to talk to people because she hadn’t had her coffee yet, but not wanting to ignore a call from one of Clint’s four older brothers. 

“Harper!” Colton usually called her by her first name. “How’s it going? When are you going to come visit us again?” 

“I was there like a month ago.” 

“Exactly! It’s been too long. You need to come back and kick Clint’s ass at tackle football again.” 

“Um, I kicked all of your asses.” 

“Exactly!” 

“I’ll call you when Clint and I are planning a trip out there again. It’s been great to talk to you, but I have to get ready for work.” 

“Hey, are you naked?” 

“I’ll talk to you later, Colton,” Mandy said, shaking her head. 

“Well, whenever you realize you’re too good for Clint, I’m single, just remember that.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Mandy laughed. “Bye, Colton.” She hung up and shook her head at Clint – Colton was the middle child of the Bartons’ five boys and had seemed to enjoy hitting on her when she had spent a weekend meeting his family a month before. Clint was the youngest and seemed to get picked on the most during family get-togethers, but their family was really quite affectionate. 

“My brothers seem to like you better than they like me,” Clint teased. “And don’t even get me started on my mom. She doesn’t even ask how I’m doing any more, she just asks about you.” 

Clint kissed his girlfriend and she got out of bed. They took a shower together and then got dressed, getting ready for the day together. Clint made coffee while Mandy fed a very hungry Rufus. As soon as they’d had their coffee and Clint had eaten a huge bowl of Cap’n Crunch, they set off to get on the Quinjet at Stark Tower so that they could be taken to the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier for work.   
When they got there, Clint walked Mandy to her lab, gave her a kiss, and then went to report to Fury.


	4. Sexcapades

Norah woke up in a tangle of sheets and blankets, then turned to see Coulson curled up on the edge of the bed with no covers on. She scooted closer and pulled some blanket over him, wrapping an arm around his waist from behind and pressing a kiss into the side of his neck. This woke him up and he turned to face her. 

“Good morning, beautiful.” 

“Good morning, handsome.” He smiled and kissed her on the lips, placing his hand on her lower back. The kiss deepened and he brushed his fingers over the spot on her lower spine that he knew drove her crazy, slipping his tongue into her mouth and rolling on top of her. She pulled his t-shirt over his head, and so it began. The rest of their pajamas started being removed as Coulson kissed down her neck. “A very good morning, apparently,” Norah breathed as Phil’s hand came up to her chest. Things continued down this path until they both had a very good morning indeed. 

They got dressed for work, Phil putting on one of his many identical black suits and Norah put on her usual outfit of black pants, a vintage top, and red lipstick; her lab coat would be donned when she got to her lab. The morning’s activities had put both of them in an incredibly good mood. As soon as they left Coulson’s quarters, they immediately ran into Tony. Knowing how much it would bug him, Norah couldn’t help but sing a few lines of Lonely Island’s “I Just Had Sex,” raising her hands into the air. 

“Ew. Please stop. Don’t. I don’t want to know,” Tony said. 

“Why not? You talk about your sexcapades with Pepper all the time. Which she doesn’t appreciate, by the way.” 

“Yeah, but Pepper’s hot.” 

“Hey!” 

“No, you’re hot too. But he isn’t. It’s like thinking about your kindergarden teacher getting laid.” 

“I don’t know what’s more disturbing: that you just compared yourself to a six-year-old or that you compared me to someone who would sleep with a kindergarden teacher.” 

“Mr. Stark, don’t you have work you should be doing?” Coulson said crisply – his suit always put him in professional mode. 

“I do now,” Tony said, shuddering. “Anything to get out of hearing about you two doing things to each other.” Tony took off down the hall to presumably bug Bruce Banner while he was working, and Coulson gave Norah one last kiss before going to talk to Fury on the bridge, leaving his girlfriend in her lab.


	5. Testing the Tea

The effects of the tea from Norah’s plant were considerably diminished that day, but Norah was excited that it had seemed to work pretty well the day before with seemingly no bad effects. However, she knew she needed to test it on a few more people to see if the results were consistent. Mandy agreed to try it, and Clint followed her lead; Bruce Banner was also curious about it and decided to give it a go. Mandy crushed up quite a few leaves and boiled them, straining out the excess when the water was a deep green color and pouring it into three mugs. The three took the tea back to their own work spaces and sipped on it while they got started for the day. 

When they had all finished the tea, Norah occasionally visited each of the three of them throughout the day, recording the results. They were quite positive. Clint did a target practice and his aim seemed to be even more precise than it usually was. Mandy and Bruce had worked together on trying to make different chemical compounds with the extract of Norah’s healing plant. Not even Tony’s ridiculous antics could pull their minds off their work, try as he might. 

“What’s in that stuff, Blossom?” Tony asked. It was not one of his better nicknames. 

“Just leaves from my plant.” 

“I can’t even get them to look up,” Tony whined, snapping his finger in Bruce’s ear several times. 

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point.” 

“That’s no fun. You’re such a killjoy.” 

Norah just shook her head at him and went back to her lab to compare results. So far, the plant seemed to be a success, and this tea made from the plant kept everyone focused and alert. She was excited about this – something like this could really help everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D., not to mention that it would probably sell pretty well if she could get it approved by the FDA someday. She made a mental note to see how everyone was doing the next day and then went to check on her other plants.


	6. Tony Can't Help It

The next day, Bruce wanted to drink the tea again, as did Clint and Mandy. Coulson and Tony also decided they wanted to give it a try, Tony mostly because Bruce had tried it. Norah made them all some tea, even some for herself. Everyone went off to work and sip their tea happily. Tony took the first sip and looked at the cup for a minute. 

“This needs something,” he said. He took the mug to an employee room that had water, a coffee maker, and various other refreshments. Maria Hill was in there, her dark hair in a neat bun and her tight blue jumpsuit on. Tony grabbed a couple sugar packets and dumped them in the tea, stirred them in, and then took another sip, going to sit next to Maria where she was sitting at a table enjoying some coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. 

“Mr. Stark,” she nodded politely. 

“Sup, Tight Pants?” Maria just rolled her eyes at this and continued sipping her coffee. Tony took several big swigs of his now sweetened tea, then set his mug down on the table in front of them. Completely out of nowhere, he reached over and turned Maria’s face toward him, then leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. At first she was too surprised to react, but as soon as she realized what was going on she put a hand on his chest, right over his arc reactor, and pushed him away. 

“Mr. Stark!” she said, shocked. “Need I remind you that this is a professional environment? Furthermore, and I know this is none of my business, but I’d like to remind you that you are in a relationship.” 

“I couldn’t help it. You look hot.” 

“I need to get back to work,” Maria said coolly. “I am going to assume this was a momentary lapse in judgment and forget that it happened. I trust that next time you will be able to keep yourself under control.” With that, she grabbed her coffee and walked swiftly out of the room while Tony tried to figure out what had just happened. He shrugged and took his tea with him to go off and find someone else to hang out with.


	7. Something's Not Right

Tony entered Norah’s lab and found her watering her plants. He immediately walked over, turned her to him, and gave her a huge kiss on the mouth. She pushed him away. 

“What was that?” Norah demanded, wiping the kiss off her lips. “I have a boyfriend you know! And you have a girlfriend too.” 

“I know. I don’t know why I did that.” 

“Well…just don’t do it again. It was weird. What are you doing here anyway?” 

“Oh, right. I don’t think your tea works.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean it didn’t put me in the zone. I guess it’s hard to do that when I pretty much live in the zone.” 

“That’s strange, it’s been working with everyone else…” Norah said, fluffing up her hair as she pondered this. 

“I kissed Maria, though.” 

“What? You just kissed Maria and now you just came in and kissed me? What is this sudden urge to kiss everyone?” 

“Only the ones who are female and have an outstanding ass.” 

“You are so weird.” 

“I think you mean awesome.” 

“No, I mean weird. Anyway, I don’t know why the tea didn’t work on you. Maybe try drinking more of it? I’m going to go see how Mandy and Bruce are doing.” 

“Oh, hey, when you come back, could you bring me a cheeseburger?” 

“No,” Norah said as she grabbed her cup of tea and left the lab. 

When she got to Bruce’s lab, she found him there alone, munching on Oreos while he sipped his tea. 

“Where’s Mandy?” she asked. 

“Eating lunch,” he said. Norah shrugged and grabbed a cookie, nibbling at it and taking a sip of her tea. She glanced at the charts and graphs he was looking at on his screen, coming over to look at them over his shoulder more closely. He turned his head and glanced at her through his glasses, then turned toward her. They looked at each other for a moment, and then completely out of nowhere, they were kissing. 

Norah’s hands played in Bruce’s curls as his arms wrapped around her waist. A moment later, they both realized what was happening and jumped apart. 

“What was that?” Norah asked. 

“I have no idea. I’m so sorry.” 

“I have a boyfriend.” 

“I know. I feel terrible, I shouldn’t have…I don’t know what came over me.” 

“Me either. I mean, you’re a great friend but I’ve never even once thought of you that way.” 

“Same here. I have no idea what that was. I’m so, so sorry,” Bruce said again. Norah’s hands pulled at her hair while she tried to sort this out. Suddenly, something clicked in her mind. 

“Tony randomly kissed me too. And Maria. I wonder if there’s some virus going around or something.” 

“A virus that makes people who don’t want to kiss do it anyway?” Bruce asked doubtfully. 

“I don’t know. There’s definitely something weird going on, though. I’m sorry about that.” 

“Me too.” 

“Anyway, I’m going to go back to my lab,” Norah said, leaving the lab awkwardly. How was she going to explain this to Phil? She felt awful.


	8. Coulson and Mandy Are Affected

Mandy came back from lunch with a coffee cake muffin she hadn’t finished. She made herself a cup of Norah’s tea and began sipping it as she got back to work. Coulson came into the lab, also holding a cup of tea and a biscotti. 

“Dr. Harper, Director Fury wanted me to discuss the development of a fast-healing serum with you.” 

“Oh, right. Come on in,” she said. Coulson came over to her lab table and put a folder down on it, opening it up and taking another sip of his tea as they both munched on their snacks. 

“Director Fury was thinking that if you could extract the right part of Norah’s healing plant, you might be able to develop a serum that could be injected into the body and cause an accelerated cell turnover, speeding up the healing process,” Coulson began. 

“I’ll look into it,” Mandy said, nodding. She glanced at Coulson and he glanced at her, and they both leaned in and started kissing at the same time. They suddenly broke apart and stared at each other in horror. 

“I…apologize Dr. Harper…” Coulson said, not knowing what had caused him to kiss her. 

“It was my fault too,” Mandy said. They both turned to see that Norah had entered the lab unnoticed and had seen everything. 

“Norah, I’m so sorry...I…I don’t know what…” Phil started. 

“I know. It just happened with Bruce and I too, and Tony has been kissing random people too. I think there’s a bug or something going around at S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

“Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was cheating on my boyfriend with yours for a minute and I felt like a horrible person. Also, that was really weird,” Mandy said. “No offense,” she added to Coulson. He nodded in understanding. Norah joined the other two and they all discussed this serum with no hard feelings between them.


	9. Tony Gets Thor in on the Action

The next day Tony and Thor were chatting – or rather, Tony was talking and Thor wanted him to go away – when Mandy walked by, grabbed the front of Thor’s armor, and kissed him soundly. She then released him and started to walk away. 

“I don’t get a kiss?” Tony asked. Mandy looked at him for a minute, then shrugged and kissed him too, wrapping her hands behind his neck. When this was finished, she turned and went back to work. 

“There seems that in these past days, there has been more than the usual amount of kissing between friends and colleagues.” 

“Oh, yeah, it’s a new tradition at S.H.I.E.L.D., Hammer Time,” Tony said, slapping Thor on the arm. He started going off to bug someone else and Thor turned to find Maria coming down the hall. Not wanting to miss out on the tradition, he pulled Maria tightly to him and kissed her passionately, leaving her breathless as he released her and walked away. When she managed to collect herself, she thought about how weird it was that two men had kissed her in one week for absolutely no reason.


	10. Bromance

Phil entered Norah’s lab to find her intently focused on her work, her cup of tea half full. She glanced at him as he held his own tea, offering her half of his doughnut.

“Hey, handsome,” she said munching on the doughnut.

“Guess what?” 

“What?” she asked, then realized he was practically beaming. “Did you get promoted?” 

“No, nothing like that. Captain America kissed me.” She seriously had to figure out what was making people kiss each other like this. 

“That’s why you’re smiling like that? Because Steve kissed you? Why don’t you ever look like that after I kiss you?” 

“Uh…well…” Phil stammered. Norah looked at him for a second, then got a sly look on her face and walked over to him. She grabbed his tie, pulled his lips down to hers, and kissed him deeply, her hands running up the front of his suit and through his hair. When she broke the kiss, a huge smile spread across his face. 

“That’s what I thought,” Norah said smugly, then went to lock the door and close all the window coverings in the lab. 

“What are you doing?” Phil asked. 

“I’m not done with you yet,” she said, then kissed him again, pushing his suit jacket off his shoulders and onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around her waist and they walked together to the lab table. She pushed a few plant pots out of the way with one arm and Phil pulled her lab coat off and then lifted her up onto the table, following her up and pushing his tongue past her lips. They began undoing each other’s buttons and soon the lab table needed to be cleaned.


	11. The Garage

Meanwhile, Clint and Mandy were having a moment of their own. Clint entered Mandy’s lab, wrapped his arms around her from behind, and started kissing her neck, a hand sliding up to her chest. 

“Well hi, love,” Mandy said with a smile. “Good workout?” 

“How did you know?” he asked against her skin. 

“One: because you’re sweaty, and two: because you always get horny after a workout.” 

“You know me well, sweetheart,” Clint said as his mouth worked its way up her neck. She gasped when he bit down on her earlobe. 

“Here?” she breathed. 

“Nah. I have an idea,” he said, then grabbed her hand and pulled her away from her lab table. They ran through the helicarrier hand-in-hand until they reached the garage where Clint’s Harley Davidson Sportster was parked. He pulled Mandy to him and kissed her hungrily, removing her lab coat and starting on her buttons. When her shirt was gone, she unzipped Clint’s uniform vest and got it out of the way, then set to work on his pants. She was seriously hoping no one would come to get something out of their car, but she couldn’t bring herself to think about it too much. 

When they’d gotten their pants off, Clint sat on the Harley and invited her to straddle him, which she did happily, sighing as he kissed her passionately, his tongue entering her mouth, before his lips left hers to return to her neck. However, Mandy was still slightly worried about someone coming into the garage.

“What if someone comes in?” Mandy gasped as Clint’s lips moved across her   
cleavage while his hand moved up her back to undo her bra. 

“They won’t,” he said into her skin. 

“How do you know?” 

“Because I locked the garage with a code only I know. No one’s coming in until we’re done.” 

With this comfort, Mandy worked on removing the thin garments that still remained between them and soon the seat of his Harley was christened in a new way.


	12. Fury's Business

Norah was walking around on the helicarrier when she noticed something blue and glowing coming from a room with the door ajar. She went to investigate, entering the room and gasping in surprise when Nick Fury turned to see who it was. 

“I’m sorry, Director Fury. I just saw the light…” 

“Come in, Dr. Kensington,” Fury said. She stepped closer into the room. “I wanted to congratulate you on your newest plant breed. The tea you’ve made has improved the quality of the work we do here at S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

“Thank you, sir. What is that?” she asked. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is working on trying to control energy from the tesseract to develop a new kind of hypnosis therapy.” 

“So, is the tesseract getting into people’s heads?” 

“It has the potential to, but right now it’s under control.” 

“So, no one could be controlling people on the helicarrier?” 

“Why do you ask, Dr. Kensington?” Fury asked suspiciously. 

“No reason…I mean…” Fury raised his one eyebrow. “Well, you see, sir…” 

“Is there something going on at S.H.I.E.L.D. that I need to know about?” 

“You haven’t happened to notice that people have been…kissing more than usual. Have you? People who wouldn’t normally?” Fury stared at her for a moment, then answered. 

“Dr. Kensington, I have a certain attitude toward romances between my employees. Live and let live. I don’t consider it any of my damn business. As long as it doesn’t affect the work that we do here, I elect to ignore it.” Norah nodded, a bit embarrassed that she’d even brought it up. “However, yesterday, Agent Romanoff was on a mission and apparently started sucking face with Mr. Stark.” Norah tried not to be horrified at Fury using the expression ‘sucking face.’ “ They let a wanted fugitive get away. I was under the impression that Agent Romanoff and Mr. Stark didn’t exactly get along, but I assumed they could keep their focus on their jobs long enough to capture the fugitive and bring him here. When romance gets in the way of our mission, that is when kissing becomes my business. Dr. Kensington, if you know anything about this, I suggest you tell me immediately so that my agents can do their jobs without getting distracted.” 

“Well, sir, I think there might be something controlling people and making them start kissing each other. It’s not just people who are in relationships with each other, it’s everyone. Captain America even kissed Agent Coulson.” 

Fury tried not to look thoroughly horrified at this, his expression turning to stone as he kept his reaction in check. 

“And you suspect that the tesseract may have something to do with this?” he asked. 

“I’m not sure, but it’s the only thing I can think of right now, unless it’s some kind of weird virus going around.” 

“I’ll have Agents Hill and Coulson examine the tesseract. I want you to tell Dr. Banner and Dr. Harper to take blood samples from everyone who’s been affected and see if anything seems unusual.” 

“Yes, sir,” Norah said, going to tell Mandy and Bruce to work on it. She hoped this thing got figured out soon.


	13. Fury Gets Some

Coulson went onto the bridge to find Fury standing with Maria. 

“You asked to see me?” Coulson said.

“Yes. It has been brought to my attention that there has been something making the people on this helicarrier behave a bit…uncharacteristically. Dr. Kensington suspects the tesseract may have something to do with it. I want you two to examine the tesseract and see if anything seems unusual. “ 

“Right away, sir,” Maria said, and she and Coulson turned to leave. 

“Just a moment, Agent Hill,” Fury said. Maria and Coulson turned back, and Fury grabbed Maria by the upper arms and pressed his lips to hers, releasing them after a moment. Maria just stood in stiff shock while Coulson awkwardly tried to figure out how to act. Fury looked at her for a moment, his eye widening as he realized what just happened. “My apologies, Agent. I don’t know what came over me.” 

“I think we can overlook that, sir,” Agent Hill said, thinking that was the best way to react to her intimidating boss kissing her inappropriately. 

“I appreciate that, Agent. Carry on.” Maria and Phil left to go work on the tesseract thing and Fury decided he’d better go give Mandy and Bruce a blood sample. Clearly whatever this was had affected him, too. 

Coulson and Maria walked down the hallway to check out the tesseract. 

“That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” Coulson finally said. 

“What was?” a voice said behind them, and they turned to see Tony. 

“It’s not important,” Maria said. 

“No, I want to know,” Tony insisted. Coulson glanced at Maria to see how angry she’d get when he said this, but decided to risk it. 

“Director Fury kissed Agent Hill.” 

“And I missed it?!” Tony said in disbelief. “What was that like, kissing the love child of a pirate and a ninja?”

“Unprofessional,” Maria said crisply. “If you’re so curious about it, Mr. Stark, I suggest you go find out for yourself.” 

“I would, but I find the idea of Fury being affectionate nauseating and horrifying. Was it?” 

“I have work to do, Mr. Stark,” Maria said before turning to go back to work. 

“I think she secretly liked it,” Tony said to Coulson. Phil just shrugged at him and went off to go do his job as well. Just as he was catching up to Maria, he saw Clint walk up, grab Maria by the face, give her a big kiss on the lips, and then walk past. Maria let out a strangled scream of frustration, making a mental note that she seriously needed to get a different perfume or something.


	14. Carter

For the next couple of weeks, Bruce , Mandy, and Norah mostly worked on testing the blood of the people who seemed to be affected by whatever was causing this. During this time, everyone tried not to let this affect their work too much…or their personal lives. 

One morning, Clint entered Mandy’s lab and just handed her a cell phone. Raising an eyebrow, she took the phone. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, gorgeous!” A flamboyant voice trilled on the other end. 

“Hi, Carter,” Mandy smiled. It was Clint’s sassy gay brother. 

“How have you been at your new fancy job?” 

“I love it!” 

“Good! Well, I just wanted to say hi! I’m going to be in town over the weekend seeing Pippin on Broadway and Clint said I can crash on your couch for a night, I hope that’s ok!” 

“Of course it is! I can’t wait to see you!” 

“You too! Bye!” 

“Bye!” Mandy said, hanging up. 

The next night, Carter arrived at the apartment only a few minutes after Mandy and Clint had gotten home from work. As soon as the handsome guy walked in wearing a tight black shirt with the top two buttons undone, Mandy grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him soundly on the lips. When she was done, Carter looked at her apologetically. 

“Oh, honey…I’m gay.” 

“I know…I don’t know why I did that. There’s something weird that’s been making people do that at work.” 

“Oh…well, it could be something worse I guess,” Carter said, bending down to pet an excited Rufus. Clint and Mandy nodded in agreement. 

“Jeez, sweetheart. I thought I only had to worry about Colton stealing you away, now I need to worry about the gay one too?” Clint teased. 

“Oh, puh-leeze,” Carter said. “Like Colton could get such a gem. He’s my brother and I love him, but he sooo needs to work on his game. Besides, you two are so obviously in love. You should see mom, she’s already picking out cake designs.” Mandy glanced at Clint and was surprised that he didn’t look freaked out by his brother talking about marriage. 

They got Carter’s stuff set up on the couch and then the three went out to dinner and drinks, enjoying the visit from Clint’s brother. After that, they all went back to the apartment and had some wine, catching up with each other before they all got tired and the couple drifted off to bed.


	15. Bees

Coulson entered Norah’s lab to get her so they could have lunch together and he froze – she was cross-pollinating some plants and there were about five bees buzzing around the lab. Coulson had a strong fear of bees. 

“Hi, handsome,” Norah said going over to wrap her arms around his waist and lean up to kiss him, then took a couple steps away. 

“Bees,” he said, not moving a muscle. 

“Oh. Right. I’m pollinating. They won’t hurt you if you don’t piss them off.”   
“But…what if I make them angry without trying to?” 

“Just don’t touch them and you’ll be fine.” Just as she said this, a bee flew over and landed on his lapel . Norah stared at it in fascination. 

“Norah…NORAH…what do I do?” Norah glanced to see the look of sheer terror on his face. She’d never seen him like this – she had always thought of him as invincible, fearless, and pragmatic. It was so weird to see him undone like this.   
“Norah, help me.” 

“Just don’t move, I’m going to get a plant for him to move to,” Norah said. She took a couple steps away when the bee suddenly flew away. Coulson visibly and audibly sighed in relief. 

“Can we get out of here?” he asked. 

“Sure. Just wait for me outside while I get these guys put away.” She rounded up the bees and then left the lab. She couldn’t help but notice that Coulson was trembling. “You’re ok,” she assured him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him until he forgot about the bee. They went to get lunch and had some time to kill after they ate, so they went back to Norah’s room and cuddled up on the small couch she had. 

“Norah, do you ever wonder…since there’s something here that’s making people kiss each other, do you ever wonder when it’s real and when it’s not with us?” Coulson asked, seemingly out of nowhere. 

“No…I know that it’s real with you and it isn’t with anyone else.” 

“How do you know?” 

“Because I love you…and because when I kiss other people, I wonder why I did it right after, but with you I never wonder, I’m just happy to see you.” Coulson sat for a minute, and he was quiet so she turned her head to look and saw a huge smile on his face. 

“You love me?” 

“Yeah…” Norah said nonchalantly, then realized it was the first time she’d ever said it. “Yeah.” 

“I love you too, Norah.” She smiled and kissed him, and they continued kissing until they both had to get back to work.


	16. Bruce's Theory

The blood tests Bruce and Mandy worked on didn’t seem to be showing anything that shouldn’t be there. Norah tried to get them to look again, but they’d been staring at blood samples for two weeks. 

“Norah, we’ve been looking at this stuff for weeks. There’s nothing out of place in any of the blood samples. The only thing I can tell that they have in common is that some of that plant you make the tea from is in their systems. I think that might actually be what’s causing this.” 

“You think it’s the tea from my plant?” Norah asked. “No, that can’t be it. It doesn’t happen every time anyone drinks it. Agent Ward drinks the tea all the time and it’s never affected him, and it doesn’t happen every time I drink the tea, only sometimes. So it must not be that.” 

“Well, it’s the only unusual thing all the blood samples have in common.” 

“It must be the tesseract, then,” Norah guessed. “I had a suspicion that maybe the tesseract is powering something that’s controlling people. Fury said some of the agents have been working on using energy from the tesseract to develop a controlled form of hypnotic therapy.” 

“So, you think the tesseract might be hypnotizing people into kissing?” Mandy asked. “That would make sense.” 

“I still think it’s the tea,” Bruce said. “There must be something it’s reacting with or something.” 

“Well, you look into that; I’m going to go talk to Phil and Maria and see if they have any information about the tesseract.” Norah left the lab in search of those two agents.


	17. On a Mission

Maria and Thor had been sent on a mission to rescue a teenage genius from a terrorist who was trying to hold her hostage for money. They arrived at the warehouse where they were told she was and Thor fought the guards while Maria worked on untying the girl from her chair. Before long, Thor had gotten the guards unconscious with his hammer and Maria had the girl untied. 

“Thanks for saving me!” she said. 

“You are most welcome, young one,” Thor said, giving her a wink. With that, he grabbed Maria around the waist, pulled her to him, and lowered his mouth to hers. Maria was surprised for a moment, then started kissing him back. Thor’s handsome, muscular masculinity was difficult for her to resist. They began kissing more passionately, when the moment was killed by someone clearing their throat. 

“Um, guys? Can you play tonsil hockey later? I want to get out of here before Rosencrantz and Guildenstern wake up,” the sassy teenage prodigy said. 

“My apologies,” Thor boomed, and they quickly got the girl out of there and home safely, then returned to the Quinjet.


	18. Taking Control

Norah found Coulson on the bridge and began a conversation with him and Fury.

“There’s nothing amiss in the blood samples of the people who have been kissing each other. Bruce has another theory that he’s looking into; in the meantime, I was wondering if the tesseract option has been examined.” 

“Agent Hill and I looked into it, but we did not see any way it could be controlling people. There must be something else that’s causing this,” Coulson said. 

“I hope Dr. Banner’s theory proves helpful, Dr. Kensington,” Fury said to Norah. “I want this figured out as soon as possible. It’s affecting people while they’re on their missions and it makes it a bit difficult to eliminate threats. Not to mention that I like to maintain a professional relationship with my employees,” Fury said, almost as if a bit ashamed. 

“I’ll let you know as soon as Dr. Banner tells me anything,” Norah said. 

“Thank you, Dr. Kensington,” Fury said, dismissing her. Coulson was no longer needed as well, so he followed Norah off the bridge and she sat on the floor in the hallway, leaning against the wall and pulling at her hair. 

“I have no idea what is causing this,” Norah said. 

“I don’t think you’ll find it on the floor,” Coulson said amusedly. 

“I needed to sit down.” 

“Might I recommend these newfangled inventions called chairs?” Coulson was ignored as Norah shot up and began pacing. 

“Phil, maybe Bruce is right about it being the tea. But it doesn’t happen every time anyone drinks it. There’s something weird going on, and I want to know what it is.” 

Coulson scooped her up, ending her pacing, and began carrying her away. 

“What are you doing?” Norah asked. 

“You need to get out of your head for a few minutes.” 

“But I like my head.”

“I like your head too, but you need to clear your mind. You have too much going on in that brilliant brain of yours and I intend on helping you relieve some stress so that you can be better focused,” he informed her, carrying her into her quarters. 

“But…but…I have to figure this out! I don’t know what’s causing this, but if it’s my plant, I need to fix it. I feel like this whole thing has gotten so out of control.” 

“Well, in here, you can take control.” 

“How? I can’t control what—oh. You mean…OH.” Norah said, realizing what he meant. “I suppose I could use a break,” she said flirtatiously. With that, she grabbed him by the tie and pulled him over to the bed, tossing him onto it. She crawled over him and leaned down to kiss him seductively, removing his suit jacket and tie. She began working on the buttons of his shirt as her tongue slid over his, then moved her lips to kiss down his neck as she continued undoing buttons. 

When she had gotten the shirt removed, she began sucking on the skin just below his ear. He wrapped his arms around her, but she pushed them away and continued to kiss down his chest. Once again, he brought his hands to her back, but she pinned his wrists to his sides. Undoing his belt, she grabbed his wrists and looped the belt around them, then tied the leather to the headboard. 

“You wanted me to take control, so I’m in control,” she explained. 

“I like this side of you,” Coulson said, his excitement growing as she began undoing his pants and pulling them off along with his boxers. Norah smiled wickedly and hovered over him, just far enough that he couldn’t quite reach her lips with his. She teased him by leaning down just a bit, then moving when he tried to kiss her. After doing this a few times, she had mercy on him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, then began running her hands and lips all over his body. 

He was practically panting with desire, Norah stood up and slowly began to strip off her clothing, allowing him to watch her as she took her time. Finally, she was naked and joined him on the bed again. She teased him just a tiny bit longer, her fingers exploring the insides of his thighs, until she finally rewarded him for his patience.


	19. Dr. Harper

Mandy came home after a long day of work, still in her lab coat. She’d had to work late that day and so she was pretty glad to be home. She found Clint sitting on the couch, cuddled up next to Rufus in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He must have gotten done with his stuff early and gone home already. When he saw her, both he and Rufus rushed to the door. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Clint said, giving her a kiss. “Or should I say, Doctor?” he added, taking in her lab coat. “Doctor, I think you need to examine me.” 

“I’m not that kind of a doctor,” Mandy said teasingly. 

“It’s an emergency, Dr. Harper.” 

“Well, I suppose I can fit you in,” Mandy said, playing along as they went into the bedroom and locked Rufus out. “Now, Mr. Barton, I need you to take off your clothes. It’s for science, after all.” 

“Yes, Dr. Harper,” Clint said, pulling his t-shirt over his head to reveal his muscular shoulders and abs, then pulling his sweatpants and boxer briefs down in one swift motion. 

“Now, I’m going to need you to get up on the lab table so that I can examine you properly,” she said. Clint jumped onto the bed, his excitement quite evident as he laid down. 

“Hmm…well, I’m going to need to try some experiments,” she said. 

“If it’s for science,” Clint said understandingly. 

“I need to change into the proper equipment,” Mandy said seductively, disappearing into the bathroom for a moment. Clint was a bit confused, but then was less so when Mandy came out completely naked except for the lab coat, which was wrapped around her and just barely concealing certain areas. “That’s more like it. Now, for the first experiment, I need a control,” she said, leaning down to kiss Clint passionately. 

“I think you need to test as many variables as possible, Dr. Harper,” Clint said when she released his lips. 

“For my first variable,” Mandy said, then leaned down to kiss down Clint’s neck he gasped when she sucked on his collarbone. 

“Let’s not forget that a result must be repeatable to be considered a theory,” he said. This prompted her to put her mouth on his collarbone again, getting a similar reaction from him. 

“Interesting,” Mandy said. “I think I need to try more variations,” she said. 

“Yes, Dr. Harper, I wouldn’t want the results to be skewed,” Clint said. She continued to kiss all over his body, occasionally sucking on his inner thigh or running her teeth along his stomach until he was at her mercy. 

“I think we should see if the results are the same in reverse, Mr. Barton,” Mandy informed him. This caused Clint to flip over so that she was under him. 

“If you insist, Dr. Harper. For science,” he said, leaning down to kiss her, their tongues tangling. He then began his movement down her body, sucking a dark mark onto the top of her chest and then continuing downward. When his mouth had made its way down to her hipbone, neither of them could take it anymore and they finished the experiment in its entirety, Mandy still wearing the lab coat.


	20. A Theory Confirmed

“Norah, I think Mandy’s found something,” Bruce said, entering her lab. “It’s about the...odd behavior people have been experiencing.” 

“You mean the kissing?” 

“Come have a look.” 

Norah followed Bruce to another lab and he had her look into a microscope. He changed several slides, then brought her to a see-through computer touch screen and showed her some data. 

“Do you see what they all have in common?” 

“All the blood samples of the people that have been affected have both the tea and high amounts of sucrose…do you think the plant somehow reacted with the sugar?”

“It’s possible. You’d have to test it to be sure, but it’s a theory.” 

“I’ll get some tests going right away – if it is sugar combined with my plant that’s causing this effect, I need to know how much makes the effect noticeable. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll go tell Fury.”


	21. Culinary Adventures

That night, Mandy and Clint arrived home together, changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt for Mandy, and collapsed onto the couch. 

“I’m starving,” Mandy said. “But I don’t feel like cooking. Can we order take-out or something?” 

“I’m tired of take-out.” 

“I know, but I’m lazy. Why don’t you cook?” 

“I’m lazy too. I have an idea: split the difference and we both cook.” 

“That doesn’t help with the laziness,” Mandy whined. “Besides, we don’t really have that much around here.” 

“The Mandy I know and love doesn’t back down from a culinary adventure,” Clint taunted, knowing she couldn’t say no to a challenge. 

“Fine. But you’re doing the dishes,” she said. 

“Deal.” 

They went to the kitchen and started boiling a huge pot of water, then put in three packets of ramen noodles. Then they started raiding their fridge and pantry for whatever they could find. 

“The first ingredient I choose is eggs,” Clint said, pulling out the egg container. He pulled out a pan to scramble a couple eggs to put into the finished noodles, cracking a couple eggs and stirring them around in the pan. While they were cooking, Mandy was looking intently into the pantry and Clint suddenly got an idea. Sneaking up behind her, he lifted his arm and cracked an egg right on the top of her head. Her shoulders stiffened as the egg guts ran down her hair and onto her shirt, and she turned around slowly. Clint was bent over laughing hysterically. 

“You. Are. So. Unbelievably. Dead.” Mandy informed him seriously. Clint suddenly looked scared and backed away slowly as Mandy grabbed a jar of peanut butter and slowly unscrewed it. 

“Sweetheart? I love you. Have I told you that?” he said sweetly, giving her a puppy face as he slowly backed around the kitchen with his hands in front of him. “You’re so beautiful. You look extra beautiful today, did I mention that?” 

“I think the next ingredient should be peanut butter,” Mandy said casually, scooping up a big glob of it in her hand. Seeing this, Clint took off running through the apartment, Rufus chasing after. Mandy ran after him too and tackled him to the floor, rubbing the peanut butter all over his face. Once this was done, Mandy let Rufus lick the excess peanut butter off her hand, then got off of Clint and nonchalantly walked back into the kitchen, leaving him laughing on the floor. She strained the noodles and measured out some peanut butter to make a thai peanut sauce for ramen that she’d read about online. Clint came back into the kitchen and began chopping up some carrots and onions. Once he’d gotten some diced, he came up behind Mandy where she was sprinkling some sriracha into the sauce and stuffed his hand down the front of her shirt, dropping some vegetables into her bra. 

“Hey! Didn’t you learn your lesson last time?” she asked, squirting out some sriracha and rubbing it all over his bare chest. He grabbed the soy sauce and put some into the sauce mixture, then poured put some on his hands and rubbed it on Mandy’s face. She finally responded by grabbing a few noodles and putting them right on top of Clint’s head. “All done!” she said, holding up the now sauced and noodle and vegetable mixture. They sat down and ate, food facials and all, occasionally throwing a noodle or piece of carrot at each other and laughing. After dinner, they decided to take a shower together, helping each other clean up and having a soap war before putting on clean pajamas and cuddling on the couch until they were tired and went to bed.


	22. Tony!

“Are you ready to test this?” Norah asked Bruce. They each had a cup of tea with a teaspoonful of sugar stirred into it sitting in front of them. 

“Shouldn’t you test this with Coulson?” Bruce wanted to know.

“No, because I always want to kiss him, so I won’t know if I’m being affected or not. It has to be someone I don’t normally want to kiss…no offense.” 

“None taken. Alright, I’m ready.” 

They both chugged their tea and waited for a few minutes for it to kick in. After about ten minutes, they looked at each other and leaned in to press their lips together, hands roaming up and down each other’s arms and backs. They broke apart abruptly and looked at each other awkwardly.

“I’m going to say affirmative on the sugar and tea. The first time this happened, we were eating cookies, remember?” 

“That’s right. It seems that the sugar and plant somehow react with each other and create an aphrodisiac of sorts.” 

“Who was the first person this happened to?” Norah asked. She and Bruce glanced at each other. 

“Tony!” they exclaimed in unison. Norah stormed out of the lab, intent on killing Tony once she found him.


	23. Coulson's Keys

Clint wandered into Mandy’s lab where she was looking at cells from Norah’s plant under a microscope to try to figure out what was reacting with sugar so weirdly. 

“Hey, love,” Mandy said without looking up. “What’s up?” 

“I’m bored.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Any chance you can take a break.” 

“Probably. Did you have something particular in mind?” 

“Of course I do. Come on.” 

“Where are we going?” Mandy asked. 

“You’ll see. Are you up for doing something unbelievably naughty?” 

“Well, that’s a frightening question.” 

“It’s a good thing you trust me,” Clint said with a wink. They made it to the garage and Clint locked the door with his special code again. 

“Are we having Harley sex again?” Mandy asked. 

“Not exactly,” Clint said, holding up a set of keys that wasn’t his. 

“Are those the keys to…Lola? Are you serious? Coulson would kill us.” 

“He’s not going to know!” 

“What if he notices his keys missing?” 

“He won’t. He’s at lunch with Norah, and knowing them they’ll probably…hug after.” 

“Hug?” 

“I don’t want to think about them doing other things,” Clint shuddered. 

“You’re serious about this? We’re having sex in Lola?” Mandy shrugged. “We’d better hurry, then.” 

“Yes!” Clint said, fist pumping. He unlocked the car and got into the driver’s seat, pulling her down on top of him and kissing her deeply. She pulled his shirt over his head, knowing they had a limited amount of time. He continued kissing her as he unbuttoned her shirt as quickly as possible, sliding it off her shoulders and sliding his tongue over hers. He began kissing across her jaw and then bit her ear, making her moan as his hands reached down to undo his pants. While he slid the pants over his hips, Mandy began nibbling on his collarbone, causing him to grunt with excitement. 

“This should not be as hot as it is,” Mandy gasped as Clint removed her bra and tossed it away, replacing it with his face as his mouth moved over her skin. He hiked up her skirt, his pants still around his ankles, and soon they had christened Lola in new way. 

When they were finished, they tried to grab any clothes that had been removed and put them back on. 

“Where’s my bra?” Mandy asked. 

“Who cares, we don’t have time. Just put your shirt on.” 

Knowing that he was right and that they had limited time, she just put on her shirt, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that she was braless and hoping that her bra wasn’t somewhere inside of Lola.


	24. Tony Confirms It

Had Norah stayed in Bruce’s lab five minutes longer, she would have seen Tony enter it. However, she couldn’t find him anywhere else on the helicarrier, and returned to the lab, figuring he must be at the tower. When she saw that Tony was, in fact, in the lab, she threw open the door. 

“ANTHONY EDWARD STARK! Did you turn my plant into an aphrodisiac?” she demanded. 

“You mean did I make it better? Yes.” 

“Did you know that adding sugar to my tea would cause people to start making out?” she continued indignantly. 

“No…” he said suspiciously. 

“Did you figure it out in hindsight and not tell me?” 

“Yes, yes I did.” 

“Why did you feel that this wasn’t information that I might need to know?!” 

“Some people were getting some desperately-needed action around here.”

“Tony! People were being affected on missions! I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me this!” Norah was fluffing up her hair during this rant while Bruce was standing and awkwardly witnessing this exchange. “I created something that boosted productivity and efficiency, made everyone more focused and alert, and you turned it into a game of spin-the-bottle!” 

“Woah, calm down, Flower Child. You really need to learn how to relax and enjoy life. Hence, the tea with sugar.” 

“Tony…just…go tell Fury what you did. I know you didn’t mean any harm, but I would have appreciated it if you had told me that this was a side-effect of my plant.” 

“I should have,” Tony said. Norah snorted and rolled her eyes. “No, I mean it,” Tony said seriously. “I should have told you. I’ll go let Fury know.” He left the lab and Norah sighed with relief. 

“At least we figured it out.” 

“Yep,” Bruce said awkwardly. All of a sudden, Coulson popped his head into the lab. 

“Have either of you seen my keys?”


	25. Clint's Question

Clint turned off the light and hopped into bed next to Mandy, wearing only his boxer-briefs. He wrapped an arm around her, spooning her, and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. Rufus was curled up contentedly at their feet. 

“Hey sweetheart, can I ask you something?” Clint asked suddenly. Hearing the tone of voice he was using, Mandy turned around to face him, placing a hand on his chest. 

“What is it?” 

“You aren’t…planning on breaking up with me…are you?” he asked.

“What? No, of course not! Why would you think that?” 

“No reason, I just wanted to make sure. I mean…do you think you’re going to want to be with me for a long time?” 

“Of course. You make me happy and I love you. What is this about?” 

“Nothing. It’s just…things have been kind of crazy at S.H.I.E.L.D. and everyone’s been kissing each other and stuff and I just wanted to make sure you still want to be with me.” 

“I do,” Mandy said with a smile, putting her hand on his face. “I love you so much, you know that. I don’t know what I did to make you feel like I don’t, but I promise I do. I can’t imagine being without you.” 

“You didn’t do anything. I just wanted to make sure. I can’t imagine being without you either.” 

“Good. Now put that silly thought out of your mind,” Mandy said, leaning forward to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back lovingly, and they continued kissing each other until they were both breathless. Then they snuggled back up and fell asleep.


	26. Poor Lola

Norah hopped into the passenger seat of Lola and Coulson got in behind the wheel. They were going to meet Mandy and Clint for drinks. As Coulson was driving, Norah bent over to get her lipstick out of her purse to touch it up and noticed something under the seat. She pulled it out and held it up. 

“Why is there a bra in your car?” Norah asked, raising an eyebrow. Coulson glanced over and his eyes widened. 

“That’s…not yours…” he pointed out. 

“Yes. That’s why I have questions,” she pointed out. “Besides, I know whose it is. It’s Mandy’s.” 

“Why would Mandy’s bra be in Lola? And how do you know what Mandy’s undergarments look like?” 

“Well, there was this one time when we got drunk…” Coulson’s eyes widened.   
“I’m kidding! We were roommates for years, remember?” 

“Oh. Right.” 

“Is there something you need to tell me?” Norah asked, mostly teasingly, but genuinely curious. 

“No! I would never do anything with Mandy. With any woman! I have no idea how it got here. Did you borrow her bra or something?” 

“No, she’s way bigger than me. And I believe you. It’s just weird. Let me call her.” Norah pulled out her phone. “Hey. So…this is going to sound like I’m accusing you and I promise I’m not…but is there a reason your bra is in Phil’s car?” 

“Oh…that…” Mandy said awkwardly. “Clint and I…sort of…” 

“You and Clint had sex in Lola?!” Norah exclaimed. All discernible pigment suddenly drained out of Coulson’s face until he was as white as wax paper.   
“Mandy! I am sitting on this passenger seat!” 

“We…uh…didn’t do it on the passenger seat…” 

Norah glanced at Coulson and decided to keep this information to herself.   
“Well, we’ll see you soon. Bye.” She hung up. “You might want to wash these seats as soon as humanly possible.” 

“Poor Lola…she’s been so violated,” Coulson said, in a voice that sounded like he felt sort of violated himself. He vowed to bleach every possible part of Lola as soon as possible.


	27. Clint's Question, Part 2

“Ready to go?” Clint asked Mandy, stepping into her lab. 

“Yeah, I just finished. Let’s go home.” 

“Actually, I hope you don’t mind…I kind of told Norah and Coulson we’d meet them for happy hour drinks.” 

“Oh. That’s fine, if you don’t mind me wearing my work clothes,” Mandy said. Clint looked at his girlfriend in her black pencil skirt and low-cut green button-up shirt. 

“I think I can live with it,” he teased, and she slapped his chest. They flew off the helicarrier and landed, then made their way to the sports bar where Clint and Mandy had gone on their second date ever. It was one of their favorite places to get drinks, and Coulson and Norah also liked it there. They waved to the other couple and joined them at the table, and everyone ordered a drink as well as some appetizers: gravy fries for Coulson and Norah, mozzarella sticks for Clint and Mandy. It was also karaoke night, so they looked forward to enjoying the entertaining sight of drunk people singing later. 

They had a couple rounds of drinks and Mandy had the odd feeling that Clint was acting a bit off…nervous, perhaps, or edgy…but she shrugged it off and enjoyed the company of her boyfriend and friends. 

About halfway through his third drink, the karaoke was starting, and Clint was the first to volunteer. He got his song ready and Mandy smiled a huge smile when she heard the familiar harmonica opening of Billy Joel’s “Piano Man.” Clint had sung it to her on their second date and it was the exact moment she had fallen in love with him. He sang it to her frequently, and she always loved it every time. However, once Clint started singing, she noticed that the lyrics had been changed. 

It’s 7:00 on a Friday  
And all of our best friends are here,  
And there’s something important I’d like to say  
While you’re sitting there drinking your beer.

When I think of all my happy memories,  
And all of the things we’ve been through,   
And I can’t even think  
About how much I’d drink,  
My love, if I didn’t have you. 

Sweetheart, will you please marry me?  
I want to grow old by your side.   
Through good times and bad, I want you with me.   
So Mandy, will you be my bride? 

At this point, Mandy was tearing up, but the song was far from finished. 

I remember on that first night we met,   
Something just seemed to be right,  
And I couldn’t stop thinking about your face,  
And it kept me awake for the night. 

If I told you just how much you mean to me,   
I’d be talking for the rest of my life,   
So instead I’ll just ask you one simple thing:   
Oh Mandy, say you’ll be my wife. 

Tears were steadily rolling down Mandy’s face at this point, and she finally noticed that Norah, who was also crying, was holding up her camera phone and recording the entire performance. Clint kept singing. 

I know that I’m not good enough for you,  
But I’ll do my best to treat you right,  
Or all my five brothers  
And even my mother   
Would come murder me in the night. 

I hope you will let me take care of you,  
Whenever you feel sick or sad,  
And I hope it’s ok that I called your house  
And I already talked to your dad. 

Sweetheart, will you please marry me?  
I want to grow old by your side.   
Through good times and bad, I want you with me.   
So Mandy, will you be my bride? 

I’m not incredibly eloquent,   
I’m really just a massive dork,   
But I’d be the happiest man to wed  
The prettiest girl in New York. 

If I told you just how much you mean to me,   
I’d be talking for the rest of my life,   
So instead I’ll just ask you one simple thing:   
Oh Mandy, say you’ll be my wife. 

Sweetheart, will you please marry me?  
I want to grow old by your side.   
Through good times and bad, I want you with me.   
So Mandy, will you be my bride?

During this last stanza, Clint had come over and kneeled in front of Mandy, pulling out a ring box and opening it to reveal a beautiful, simple engagement ring with a tasteful diamond with an emerald on each side of it. Mandy sniffled back some of her tears and threw her arms around Clint, kissing him with all the love she felt, her heart soaring. She broke the kiss and leaned her forehead against his. 

“Yes. Yes, yes, so much yes.” 

A huge smile spread over Clint’s face and he kissed her again, pulling out of the chair to pick her up and spin her around while they were kissing. When he finally put her down, she even noticed that he had a couple tears in his eyes. He turned to the rest of the bar, the regulars all smiling approvingly. 

“SHE SAID YES!” he shouted, and everyone cheered while Mandy laughed. He turned to Norah. “Did you get it?” 

“I got the whole thing,” Norah said, tears still in her eyes as she rested her head on Coulson’s shoulder. She was so happy for her friend. 

“Well, Doctor Fiance,” Clint said quietly enough so no one else could hear, wrapping his arms around Mandy’s waist, “I personally think I should take you home, take off your clothes, take off my clothes…and show you how much I love you.” 

“I personally agree,” Mandy said. Clint quickly paid for their drinks and then they quickly got out of there, leaving Norah and Coulson alone in the bar to discuss what they had just witnessed and how adorable and beautiful it was.


	28. Fiance

As soon as they got to their apartment, Clint scooped Mandy up into his arms and carried her through the doorway. He went straight to the bedroom and kicked the door closed behind him, then laid her down on the bed and followed her down, kissing her heatedly. His mouth left hers to begin kissing down her neck, then he kissed his way back up, pausing to look into her eyes. 

“I can’t believe I’m going to marry you,” he said with a huge smile. 

“I can’t believe you wrote that entire song for me, and made all the arrangements, and even asked my dad…I really like it when you take charge like that.” 

“Oh, really?” he said with a wicked smile. “So, if I ordered you to take off my shirt…how would you react?” 

“Yes, sir,” Mandy said seductively, peeling his shirt off over his head. 

“You can totally call me sir any time you want, by the way. Any time at all.” 

“Yes, sir,” she repeated. This prompted him to lower his mouth to hers and stick his tongue in to explore, his fingers tugging at handfuls of her hair. He released her mouth to bite her earlobe. She gasped and he began sucking at her neck, leaving several dark marks across it. When he got to her sternum, he grabbed the top of her shirt and ripped it open, buttons flying out of the way. 

“I believe I’m a bit too clothed,” Clint said. “Will you remedy the situation, Dr. Harper?” 

“I’d be happy to, sir,” Mandy said, her fingers reaching down to undo his belt and slide his pants over his hips. He kicked them away and his mouth moved over her cleavage as she gave his boxer briefs the same treatment she’d given his pants. He tossed her bra out of the way and then quickly removed the rest of her clothes. 

Clint began kissing his way down her body, his hands teasing the areas he wasn’t kissing. Soon, Mandy was practically beside herself with desire. 

“Please,” she gasped, her fingers threading in his hair as she tried to control where his head went. He grabbed her wrists and pinned them down roughly on either side of her head, his face only a few centimeters from hers. 

“I’m the one giving the orders right now,” he said sexily, lowering his mouth to tease her earlobe as he held her wrists in place, making her squirm until he finally satisfied their passion.


	29. Completely Gratuitous Maid/Employer Role Play with Coulson

Norah entered Phil’s quarters in a big fluffy robe. He was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt, and he immediately walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her. 

“Thanks again for cleaning Lola for me. I would have done it myself, but I couldn’t bring myself to, knowing she had been defiled like that.” 

“Well, she’s all clean and shiny now,” Norah said. 

“I hope this doesn’t make me sound like a creep, but there’s something sexy about a woman cleaning things.” 

“It’s funny you should say that,” Norah said, sliding her robe off of her shoulders and onto the floor to reveal a sexy, sheer maid outfit complete with black thigh-high stockings and a little white apron. His mouth dropped open as he took in her appearance. She slipped her hands under his shirt and pulled it over his head, then bent over and used his shirt to pretend to polish the arms of the chair in his room, giving him a good view of her backside. 

“I…I…I…uh…” 

“Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Coulson?” she asked in a sweet voice. 

“Well…uh…” he began, a bit flustered. Realizing that she was trying to role-play for his benefit, he collected himself a bit. “The mirror needs to be cleaned,” he said. She sauntered over to the mirror, wiggling her hips, and began using his shirt on the mirror. 

“Anything else, Mr. Coulson?” 

“Perhaps you should dust the table.” 

She sashayed over to the table and began wiping it with his shirt, pausing when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing the side of her neck. 

“Mr. Coulson, I don’t think this is appropriate.” 

“I can’t help that I’m attracted to you,” he said, playing along. “Don’t you feel it too?” 

“Of course, but…you’re my employer.” 

“That doesn’t matter to me. I need you, Norah,” he said. She turned around and kissed him, rather turned on by all this role-playing. He carried her over to the bed and knelt between her legs, rolling each of the stockings off slowly and then running his hands up and down her legs while he continued kissing her, his tongue caressing the inside of her mouth. She could feel his excitement growing as he kissed her cleavage, sliding the skimpy maid outfit off of her shoulders and revealing the lacy black matching underwear set she was wearing underneath. “Oh wow,” he blurted out, taking in this new vision, before reaching down to remove his pants and boxers in one motion and then exploring Norah’s body with his hands. Finally, he removed the last of her garments and made love to his girlfriend.


	30. Tony Stark Never Changes

Fury had called a meeting to discuss the plant and sugar situation. 

“The tea made from Dr. Kensington’s plant is an aphrodisiac when mixed with sugar. Until this is sorted out, I’m going to have to ask all of you to refrain from drinking the tea with sugar in it or with sugary snacks,” Fury said. “Is that understood?” 

“So, let me get this straight…this whole time, this kissing has been going on because of the tea mixed with sugar?” Maria asked. She turned to Thor, “So that night…was just tea.” 

“There was tea?” Thor boomed. “I have not tried this drink. Pour me some!” He exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table and making everyone jump. 

“Wait, so that wasn’t the tea, then?” Maria asked, blushing. Thor smiled and winked at her. 

“Woah, you hooked up with Hammer Head?” Tony asked. 

“Agents, can we focus on the issue at hand?” Fury asked. Tony turned and grabbed Bruce by the face, giving him a big kiss on the mouth. “Mr. Stark, I thought I told you not to put any more sugar in your damn tea!” 

“I didn’t,” Tony said. Bruce just turned kind of pink and looked confused. “What? Can’t a man kiss his buddy without everyone blaming it on a drink?” 

“Tony!” everyone said at once. Tony never changed.


End file.
